Daily: 22nd November 2010

22 November, 2010 at 00:02 (GMT)

By Jordan F1

Ladies and gentlemen, This is your Captain speaking. On behalf of myself and First Officer Lou, welcome aboard the first flight of Sidepod Airways Boeing V-22 Osprey Rotorlift Aircraft Flight Number SPA 001 from Abu Dhabi International to London Gatwick International Airport, with a refuelling stop at Ankara, Turkey.

As this aircraft has been nicknamed the Century Panda, please make no direct or indirect references to this aircraft beginning compared to a Piece of Junk least Upper Management have you removed while the aircraft is in flight. As our cruising speed is only 241 knots, we will be airborne for 12 hours, 24 minutes.

We have a slight delay as we are number two to take off behind an Etihad Airways but those of passengers on the left side will note that we are ahead of the Air Asia flight while passenger on the right side will notice that the Virgin flight has yet to leave the terminal, just like their perspective race teams.

News and Entertainment

Please make use of our flight entertainment systems during our flight. Although Sidepodast Airways has yet to secure viewing rights to any of the Airport or Airplane Series, we have managed to obtain a summary of The English Patient for your viewing enjoyment.

You will note that our online airline newspaper, Panda Propaganda is very up to date. It's front page story has rumours about Mr C now running a hair saloon in the comfort of Sidepodcast Towers. Details are sketchy, but it now appears Mr. Christine, aka "Lefty" has been injured in some sporting injury, and Mrs. Christine is sporting an Afro.

Actually, if anyone is interested in joining the airline, in the Classified section Sidepodcast Airways is looking for Stewardess to join our fleet. No, I am being Politically Correct, as you can see, or Cabin Crew Uniform, is surprizing similar to that wore by Air Aisa, is modelled by no one other than Sir Richard Branson, and includes a skirt for all personnel.

In the NFL there are 15 games being played today. Going to this site nfl.com will get you to see the score and then you can decide if you want to see tonight s late night game on UK television. Nothing worse than to stay up all night to watch you team lose. Heck, it is bad enough to see you team lose in the afternoon, but a least you do not lose any sleep over it I would rather not talk about the NFC East, other than to say that the Cowboys should be moved to San Antonio's Roman Catholic Mission (aka The Alamo) and learn how to conduct a better defence than historically was the case

Fun and High Jinks

Many hours into the first leg of the flight, First Officer Lou, starting to fight a little bit of boredom, starts up a game of I Spy. The Captain although has been though this far too many times, and has more interesting methods to liven things up.

  • Lou: I spy something starting with 'C'
  • Capt: Clouds
  • Lou: Something starting with 'S'
  • Capt: Sky
  • Lou: Starting with 'F'
  • Capt: Flap release
  • Capt: You know, I wish we carried drop tanks on the wings...
  • Lou: To lengthen the distance we can travel on a hop?
  • Capt: No. Just to ask the passengers if a couple of pylon bolts are loose on the wings, wait a few seconds, and then release them just to gauge the passengers reaction...
Sidepodcast F1: Story image

Christine has painted herself into a bit of a corner here. In her Life List on her personal Blog site, she seem to plan seeing Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, but she does not want to use a submarine to hunt it down. As to me you want to be a little bit proactive in Hunt down a Lake Monster my suggestion is this 1936 Tribal Class Destroyer, HMCS Haida. As it has something called Sonar, and Depth Charges, the crew can drive the monster to the surface for Christine to see it. Depending on how annoyed the Monster is, the top speed of 36 knots and the 4" and 3" main guns might come in handy. It can be picked up on a sidetrip from the Canadian Grand Prix, about 6 hours road trip west of Montreal, but can be stream back to England directly, thus giving you time to learn how to handle the ship.

Today the verdict will be in. This evening, the most understandable driver's ratings system will close its voting box and has tally the vote. As of yesterday, a single point separated Karun Chandhok from both Timo Glock and Heikki Kovalainen. But remember, like Top Gun, there are no trophies for Second place. Oh, yeah, there's a "J", a "O" and a "A" in Jordan, just so that you can get the spelling right.

Dangerous Stuff

25 Nautical Miles rough NNW of Ankara, Turkey, After refuelling at Ankara, the flight begins its second 6 hour leg. The Captain's taking a quick nap, Lou's reviewing the Flight manual, and Otto the autopilot has full control over the aircraft.

Sidepodcast F1: Say... what's a mountain goat doing way up here in a cloud bank?

Credit: Worth1000

Say... what's a mountain goat doing way up here in a cloud bank?

  • Lou: Captain, What's a Mountain Goat doing in a cloudbank?
  • Captain: Wha? Gavin's set up a retreat around here?
  • Lou: No the autopilot seems to be taking us to that Mountain Goat ahead of us...
  • Captain: Snap Left and Max Throttle Lou! That's a Mountain that the Autopilots pointing us at....

Last night I had the chance to finally see races held at Macau. The race that I actually was a support race for the main event. I was not as impressed with the racing as was with the circuit. There's one silly section which seems to be a North American backalley that has only room for one car to drive though and seem to be under a complete race to race yellow to ensure that no one attempts to pass the car in front. The Melco hairpin seems to be even tighter than Monaco's hairpin, whatever its called this morning. I still call it Station or Loews.

For the main action at Macau, or very own Leigh O' Gorman has left this excellent post of the 2010 Formula 3 Grand Prix:

Hot of the press, Christine may be looking for a new life direction for herself, career wise. How this affects Sidepodcast, nobody knows.

As this is a Bell Osprey aircraft a depressed button in the cockpit causes a whirring noise to begin in the cabin. The Cabin bay is lower and the familiar message comes over the public address system.

Attention Economy Class passengers. You may now disembark from the cargo bay doors. We hope you have had a present flight on Sidepod Airways. Lou, please inform Mr. and Mrs. Christine that we will be arriving in the Gatwick traffic pattern in 15 minutes...