Previously on The Daily: Basically Nigel killed the Wicked Driver of the West, met the Wizzard's of Aus who told him where Santa was and SENT JERMAIN DEFOE OFF DESPITE THE FACT IT CLEARLY WASN'T INTENTIONAL AND WASN'T A RED CARD. Oh sorry, the last bit didn't happen, that was Martin Atkinson, I've got over that, honest. Erm, on with the Daily.
The three of them had reached their final destination, but we're shocked to see who was where the Wizzard's of Aus said Santa was.
"But you're... you're not Santa," moaned a disappointed Sergio.
"Yes I am, ho, ho, ho. Deal with it kiddo," replied an old, short, man, "what do you want?"
"We want... Santa," said Felipe.
"And here he is.... who do you think I am? I am the King of these lands. I am... King Bernie of the Commonwealth of Wiki."
"King Bernie? I don't know who you are, listen, I came here looking, looking brain for me, do you, you think you, you could me give it?" asked a plucky Adrian.
"Not a chance, here, have a rubik's cube, sorry, I solved it already. I am that brilliant frankly. Did it in eight seconds."
"But thats impossible," said Felipe
"No it isn't, you are just not good enough. Now if you don't mind, I'm trying to be a King here, so get lost."
Adrian stepped up confidently, "No, no, no we won't, won't get lost no, I... oh you, guards on me, goodbye Sergio and Felipe, nice, nice knowing you." And with that, Adrian was dragged by his arms and thrown into the jail.
"You know," said King Bernie, "if he'd came asking for courage he would have got away with it."
"I want courage," pleaded Felipe.
"Oh really? Go away, I don't care for you. Now... where is Lord Hermann of Tilkeland? Some chaps from Jupiter have been on the phone."
"So how do we get home Sergio?"
"I don't know, look, there is a sign," said a slightly lucky Sergio, "we can either go via Dakar, or by NOT GIVING A GOAL DESPITE THE BALL CLEARLY NOT GOING OUT (erm, sorry about that again, er, Sergio is a big... Spurs fan you see, not happy with how it went, keep going Sergio) So what do you propose?"
"Which one is shortest?"
"Err, Dakar I guess." So they went the way of Dakar, through the impossibly hot deserts, past three men in stupid cars stuck in some sand and a stupidly big red glow. But they made it to the end in one piece, unlike an Australian batting display.
"We're home Felipe," an excited Sergio said. He ran off into the houses in the hope that James had cooked his dinner. Felipe turned and said the final, typical lines of a story.
"This makes no sense what-so-ever."
Back in the jail, Adrian was busy drawing lines on the wall with chalk and throwing a tennis ball, when a man approached him.
"Okay-a, Mr Adrian yeah? My name is a-Jarno, and I have an offer you can't refuse. I am going to get you out of here-a. Don't worry, I got-a three Pirelli branded F1 cars outside-a to help. You in?"
To be Continued...
The show must go on. Have a happy new year and I'll see each and every one of you again, in 2011.
Oh and Rafael van der Vaart. I love you too much.